April 2012
7 posts
Garrus: All right, my turn. What’s the first order an Alliance commander gives at the start of combat?
Joker: Uh... I give up.
Garrus: Correct!
Joker: All right big guy. What do you call it when a turian gets killed by a horrible spikey monster?
Garrus: Friendly fire. Come on, that one goes back to Shanxi.
Joker: Gotta respect the classics!
Garrus: How many humans does it take to activate a dormant mass relay?
Joker: 602. 600 to vote on it, one to ask the asari councilor for help, and one to request a seat on the Council afterward. How do you know when a turian is out of ammo?
Garrus: He switches to the stick up his ass as a backup weapon. Why does the Alliance hire pilots with brittle bone disease?
Joker: You’re shitting me! The turian military has one about me?
Garrus: Oh, absolutely. I heard it myself from a private back on Palaven.
Joker: All right, why does the Alliance hire pilots with brittle bone disease?
Garrus: So their marines can beat someone in hand to hand drills.
Joker: Damn, you need to tell James that one. Hey, what’s the hardest part about treating the turian who took a rocket to one side of his face?
Garrus: Figuring out which side took the rocket.
I love my squad.
Garrus: That's right, I was with Shepard... from the very beginning.
James: That just means you're old.
Garrus: Still think you can win this, huh?
James: I can do this all day, Scars.
Garrus: Funny you mention those. Ever heard the name 'Archangel'?
James: I might've.
Garrus: You know you have. ...I'm Archangel.
James: Maybe I heard something about that too.
Garrus: Then maybe you also heard that, for a couple months there, the crime rate on Omega mysteriously dropped while Archangel did a little 'housecleaning'.
James: So you ran a cleaning service on Omega? Back on Fehl Prime, I uncovered a pair of Harvesters. Had to kill them. By myself.
Garrus: Two wormnecks, that's... almost impressive.
James: Oh, that's not even the best part. They left behind an egg. It hatched, and I trained it to let me fly it.
Garrus: The Alliance teach you to make up crap like that, or did you figure it out all by yourself?
James: It's a gift. You've been through a lot, Scars.
Garrus: You giving up?
James: Nah, I got more. Just don't like to talk about it.
Garrus: Fair enough... we've all got one of those.
James: Just one, huh?
Garrus: Yeah. Not every story has a happy ending.
James: Except there was this one time I teamed up with a turian named Garrus Vakarian. He was pretty good with a gun, but he thought he was some kind of hotshot.
Garrus: Yeah, I knew this wise-ass marine named Jimmy Vega -- sounds like a pole-dancer on Omega -- always got on my nerves. But the kid was all right. Had guts when it counted.
James: And together they cured the genophage.
Garrus: And made peace between the geth and the quarians.
James: And finally kicked the Reapers from this galaxy and into the next.
Garrus: With a little help from their friends.
James: Nah, it was just us. ...But mostly me.
March 2012
38 posts
lumos-maxima:
February 2012
38 posts
